My Wife on NFP -- good stuff!

Here is my wife's response to a couple of questions from some young people about NFP.
1. What are the implications/consequences to NFP?
2. How does this exactly provide a more fulfilling marriage?

You had very good questions. The consequences of practicing NFP are many!

I think the most important is that you build a stronger marriage.

One of the most important skills in marriage (and eventually being a parent) is learning to make sacrifices for the sake of others. This is done out of love, of course, and helps us to live out our call to be Images of God. It helps us to love as God loves. The life of Jesus was all about making sacrifices out of his love for us (his passion and Crucifixion of course being the most powerful examples).



Practicing NFP helps married people to make sacrifices for the good of their spouse (i.e. abstaining from sexual intercourse during the fertile times if my spouse is not ready to have a child). It helps couples to learn to express their love in non-sexual ways. This helps the woman, particularly, to not feel like she is being used simply for her ability to provide physical pleasure to her husband. It helps the man to learn to communicate his love in different ways and assure his wife that she is not a sexual object to him, but a person to be loved.



Another aspect of building a strong marriage is in the area of communication. Those who use contraception usually do not talk often about the right time to have children. With NFP, the couple must decide each cycle/month together "Are we ready to have a child?", "Does God want us to have a baby?". The couple is more motivated to pray for God's guidance, to see how their spouse is doing and to work together to live out their vocation of marriage.



Because of the season of Lent you are familiar with the benefits of fasting; making a sacrifice in order to grow in holiness and increasing the power of our prayers. Whether we give up some food, habit or activity, the benefits are the same: we must rely more on God's grace and help and so we learn how well God helps us! We also realize that it is not the food or activity that brings us fulfillment in our lives, but our relationship with the Lord. It is the same with abstinence from marital relations. When the time of abstinence is used to pray, then the couple grows in their dependence on God. Prayer is a very good marriage-building habit to get into!



There is a good reason the Church calls using contraception [a grave matter]. It is an offense to His own image and character. The marriage is meant to be a picture to the world of the unity of the Godhead. The sexual relationship is a symbol of the oneness of God. It is truly sacred!! The Holy Spirit "proceeds from the Father and the Son" and is the "Giver of Life " (Nicene Creed). So also, the spirit and reality of life comes from the physical union between spouses. When husband and wife come together, life (spiritual and/or physical) is meant to proceed from them just as the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son. Their oneness brings life (sometimes a human life!).



Also, contraception damages a life-giving healthy part of the person (fertility) and does not allow for life to flow out of the marital union. Pope John Paul II, in his Theology of the Body, taught that love has 5 characteristics: freely chosen, based on knowledge, a self-gift, permanent and life-giving. Take one of those elements of love out and we are really just using a person, not loving them. There is a lot I could say about this but that is another conversation! I do have a book called Theology of the Body for Beginners that you would be welcome to borrow if you want to learn more about this great teaching of JPII.