Linda and I's "Witness Talk" for our NFP class

David:
As a young couple, Linda and I were committed to following and obeying God’s plan for sex and marriage as best we understood it. This was our starting point. We wanted to do what was right. So, we sought direction from our Pastors, married couples, and Christian books on the subject of specific issues like contraception in marriage. We desired with all our hearts to worship and honor God in our sexual union. From many books and leaders of Evangelical Christianity, we got the same message that the Bible did not speak specifically about this issue. Therefore, it was considered to be a “personal” decision to be made with our doctor’s advice.

Linda:
Through a friend I met a woman, who was willing to discuss these issues with me. She had made a tragic decision to abort an unwanted pregnancy while young. In the process of her healing and forgiveness she became strongly pro-life. Now she had even come to see contraception as part of the evil, anti-life agenda along with abortion. I had never heard anything like this before and shared it with David. It struck us as the extreme though admirable view of someone hurt by abortion, like perhaps someone hurt by alcoholism becoming adamant about never drinking alcohol. We were still working through our own reasoning.

David:
I was a Biology/Pre-Med major, so I had classes like Embryology. It became clear to me on a purely biological basis that I never wanted my wife to place any harmful substance like a hormonal contraceptive into her body. We knew that God had an awesome design and purpose in this amazing reproductive system and we would more likely mess it up than be able to accurately manipulate it. Anyway, I wanted to remain open to God blessing us with children.

Linda:
We had planned to remain completely open to life in our anticipated marital union, but Connecticut law inadvertently required us to take a renewed look at the different types of contraception. Very near our wedding date, I discovered I needed an MMR vaccination in order for us to get a marriage license in CT. The doctor recommended that I avoid pregnancy for a period of time after the shot which included the first 3 months of our marriage. We now reread and studied more intently those sections in the marriage prep books on contraception.

David:
For me, the condom just held too many negative connotations to want to consider using it unless no other alternative remained. We had already eliminated all hormonal methods due to the risk of side effects, so we determined that the “sponge” method with the addition of a spermicide was our least worst choice. Needless to say we were eager to be rid of this barrier, and we were then graciously blessed with the conception of a new, unrepeatable life during the fourth month of our marriage. Dining at the Olive Garden, we celebrated our first anniversary with our 8 day old daughter at our side.

Linda:
It wasn’t until the birth of our third child that our attitude of openness to life was challenged. We had our third daughter only 15 months after the second, which we now know was likely due to early weaning from breast feeding. We still believed children were a blessing from the LORD, but we felt a bit too quickly blessed at that time. I was terrified of another sudden pregnancy. I was exhausted with 3 little ones now, especially with contemplating home schooling the oldest. We needed a way not only to give me time to willingly accept any more children but also not risk health or not have them so close together.

Our unity was tested. I was not ready for more children at that time and David was not eager to use birth control. At that time, I was doing some volunteer work at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center. By the grace of God, I discovered a pamphlet about Natural Family Planning when looking for alternatives. It claimed to be safe, healthy, and effective. Even though David was not eager to attend the classes he was willing. We at least hoped it would give us a better understanding if not a better way to regulate births.

David:
I’m sad to admit that I didn’t attend all the classes and slept through some of what I did attend. Mostly due to Linda’s attentiveness and diligence we learned NFP. Now we knew how to observe the fertile and infertile times of a woman’s cycle by temperature, mucus, and cervical changes. It was amazing. By understanding better God’s incredible design we knew exactly when having marital relations might bring about a pregnancy or not.

The method seemed practically flawless when followed properly. However, we did not use it properly. Instead we used the information that we learned and added the use of a barrier, the condom, during fertile times. Now some people might wonder, “what’s wrong with that”?. I guess this is where the “rubber meets the road” spiritually. We were not Catholic and as far as we were concerned it was between God and us. The teachers did say that using contraception was a sin and encouraged abstaining during fertile times if a couple had serious reasons to postpone or space a pregnancy. However, we simply didn’t understand the spiritual harm this allowed in our union. Thankfully, we were open to growing and learning and rarely used contraception.

Linda:
Considering the idea that contraception could harm our marriage did remind us of that Godly woman’s advice during college. We remained open to life and open to God making us more open where we feared and lacked faith. God continued to work in our hearts and we were exposed through pro-life literature like Family Foundations about the culture of death. We learned of the pill’s potential to cause an abortion and began to oppose some forms of contraception on Biblical, moral principles. We began to read about the connection between the use of contraception and the rise of divorce, teenage pregnancy, victimization of women, proliferation of pornography and many other social problems .

David:
With fertility awareness we knew exactly when our next 2 children were conceived, neatly spaced about 2 years apart. Now, my openness to life was being tested. Was God too abundant in His blessing? Our world designs vans for only 7, so 5 children is all that fit. Could we really afford further expansion? Besides, we were now fully immersed in their education since we home schooled. Could God really want to give us more when we weren’t sure we were doing so well with what we had?

Something was different for me now when it came to marital relations. I wanted the sexual relation and the unitive intimacy but I was rejecting its procreative design in my heart. So was I really loving Linda? Was I still willing to give ALL of myself to her in the marital act, even that which may cause another pregnancy? Was I willing to accept ALL of her, even her fertility? No, I was willing to take the God-given pleasure but not accept the potential God-given results. If I was no longer willing to give of my entire self, I was trading love, which is giving, for purposefully sterile, sexual gratification, which is using (a person). It was as if I was uninviting the Holy Spirit, excluding the Author of Life and Love from our sexual union. It ceased to be worship.
The thought of quenching the Holy Spirit in the most intimate aspect of marriage horrified me. The thought of using a condom or any contraceptive now sickened me. We agreed to follow the Biblical principle in 1 Cor 7:5 where it says, “Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control.”

Linda:
Now, until God changed David’s heart toward another blessing, we would abstain during the fertile times and pray. This made me feel more cherished by my Husband, knowing that our intimacy was not just about sex. We would pray when abstaining, offering our time to God as a fast. We would ask God to make us one in Him and open our hearts to Christ, our Life, in every way no matter what the cost. We took that time to embrace spiritual unity and pray for our children and for others. We gained even greater spiritual blessings than we ever imagined.

David:
I immediately grew in self-mastery over sexual temptations and gained a better understanding of God’s design for love. We now fully accepted the principle that each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life, honoring the unitive and procreative aspects designed by God for sex and marriage.

Now, after 7 years, we had fully accepted all the principles taught by the Couple to Couple League for using Natural Family Planning. When a letter arrived soon after inviting us to consider becoming teachers we knew we could say yes. We prayed and responded to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and did say yes to become teachers of NFP. After our long journey of searching we were eager to share this knowledge and blessing with other couples.

Linda:
Using NFP has changed our marriage. It has changed the way I see our physical union. It allows me to see myself as a gift to David and that our times of intimacy are not merely for satisfying our physical desires but a way to lovingly give myself to him. Instead of focusing on how we perform physically, we think of how we can give our whole selves to one another and that includes in a very powerful way, the spiritual. In this God-created, God-ordained way we are a reflection of the unity of the Trinity. When, miraculously, the life of a child flows from our union, it is a picture of how the life of the Spirit flows out of the love between the Father and the Son. Also, When we come together, we are renewing the vows we made on our wedding day and strengthening the covenant of our marriage.

David:
Using NFP has changed every aspect of our marriage for the better. It has given us the tools to combat the lies about sex and marriage we constantly hear in our culture today. We know how to communicate better with each other about our sexuality. Learning the Theology of the Body helps us to explain to our children and others what it means to be masculine and feminine. I am able to take part in NFP by interpreting charts, recording information, and leading in prayer. It helps me to fulfill my role as husband and be a more responsible man toward my wife and children.

Most important to me is the fact that by using NFP we know we are following and obeying God’s plan for sex and marriage. This is how we started our story and how we will continue by God’s grace. Thankfully, God promises to give us the grace if we only ask.