Ten Rules of Life of Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan

I will live the present moment to the fullest.
I will discern between God and God’s works.
I will hold firmly to one secret: prayer.
I will see in the Holy Eucharist my only power.
I will have only one wisdom: the science of the Cross.
I will remain faithful to my mission in the Church and for the Church as a witness of Jesus Christ.
I will seek the peace the world cannot give.
I will carry out a revolution by renewal in the Holy Spirit.
I will speak one language and wear one uniform: Charity.
I will have one very special love: The Blessed Virgin Mary.

Amazing things are happening in Church in Vietnam. Like in Poland in recent history and many other places throughout time, the life of one holy person can make a huge difference.

Carry Me in your heart

Too often I am drawn by curiosity and pride to know and understand. I want to know every argument and convince everyone of the truth. Yet, it is the work of the Holy Spirit to draw men's hearts to Him. Hearts cannot be driven as cattle to the Ark of protection, the Church. God must call, which He is but the called must listen and respond. This is not in my power, but God help me to be ready to give a reason for the Faith. In humility and gratitude let me serve and not drive.

Help me head the words of Thomas a'Kempis:

Book 3 Chapter 4

Some men walk before Me without sincerity. Led on by a certain curiosity and arrogance, they wish to know My secrets and to understand the high things of God, to the neglect of themselves and their own salvation. Through their own pride and curiosity, and because I am against them, such men often fall into great temptations and sins.

Fear the judgments of God! Dread the wrath of the Almighty! Do not discuss the works of the Most High, but examine your sins -- in what serious things you have offended and how many good things you have neglected.

Some carry their devotion only in books, some in pictures, some in outward signs and figures. Some have Me on their lips when there is little of Me in their hearts.

(from Imitation of Christ, Electronic Database Copyright (c)1999 by Biblesoft)

My Wife on NFP -- good stuff!

Here is my wife's response to a couple of questions from some young people about NFP.
1. What are the implications/consequences to NFP?
2. How does this exactly provide a more fulfilling marriage?

You had very good questions. The consequences of practicing NFP are many!

I think the most important is that you build a stronger marriage.

One of the most important skills in marriage (and eventually being a parent) is learning to make sacrifices for the sake of others. This is done out of love, of course, and helps us to live out our call to be Images of God. It helps us to love as God loves. The life of Jesus was all about making sacrifices out of his love for us (his passion and Crucifixion of course being the most powerful examples).



Practicing NFP helps married people to make sacrifices for the good of their spouse (i.e. abstaining from sexual intercourse during the fertile times if my spouse is not ready to have a child). It helps couples to learn to express their love in non-sexual ways. This helps the woman, particularly, to not feel like she is being used simply for her ability to provide physical pleasure to her husband. It helps the man to learn to communicate his love in different ways and assure his wife that she is not a sexual object to him, but a person to be loved.



Another aspect of building a strong marriage is in the area of communication. Those who use contraception usually do not talk often about the right time to have children. With NFP, the couple must decide each cycle/month together "Are we ready to have a child?", "Does God want us to have a baby?". The couple is more motivated to pray for God's guidance, to see how their spouse is doing and to work together to live out their vocation of marriage.



Because of the season of Lent you are familiar with the benefits of fasting; making a sacrifice in order to grow in holiness and increasing the power of our prayers. Whether we give up some food, habit or activity, the benefits are the same: we must rely more on God's grace and help and so we learn how well God helps us! We also realize that it is not the food or activity that brings us fulfillment in our lives, but our relationship with the Lord. It is the same with abstinence from marital relations. When the time of abstinence is used to pray, then the couple grows in their dependence on God. Prayer is a very good marriage-building habit to get into!



There is a good reason the Church calls using contraception [a grave matter]. It is an offense to His own image and character. The marriage is meant to be a picture to the world of the unity of the Godhead. The sexual relationship is a symbol of the oneness of God. It is truly sacred!! The Holy Spirit "proceeds from the Father and the Son" and is the "Giver of Life " (Nicene Creed). So also, the spirit and reality of life comes from the physical union between spouses. When husband and wife come together, life (spiritual and/or physical) is meant to proceed from them just as the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son. Their oneness brings life (sometimes a human life!).



Also, contraception damages a life-giving healthy part of the person (fertility) and does not allow for life to flow out of the marital union. Pope John Paul II, in his Theology of the Body, taught that love has 5 characteristics: freely chosen, based on knowledge, a self-gift, permanent and life-giving. Take one of those elements of love out and we are really just using a person, not loving them. There is a lot I could say about this but that is another conversation! I do have a book called Theology of the Body for Beginners that you would be welcome to borrow if you want to learn more about this great teaching of JPII.



This is getting too long! If you would like to talk more about NFP, maybe we could get together this summer sometime (after our new baby is born) and David and I could share more of our personal experience. Or, if you would like to sign up for the next class series (starts July 27), we could share it then! The class is a great investment for any marriage. There is a $135 fee for materials and services (student guide, digital thermometer, supplemental literature, charts, personal consultation and a one-year CCL membership - including a subscription to the Family Foundations Magazine). There is financial assistance available to couples who qualify.



Thanks again for getting in touch. Always feel free to ask more questions. We are very excited about how many young people are learning NFP and growing in harmony with God's plan for sex and marriage. We are always eager to share what we know to help others if we can!

God bless you!
Linda

Clear boundaries

All sexual intimacy outside the protective boundaries of holy matrimony is sin.

I must have repeated this statement 4-6 times to my Confirmation class of about 30 students 14 years old. I don't think many of them liked it. When they ask what is going too far, I say you shouldn't do anything with another person that you wouldn't want your wife or husband to do with another person. Some didn't like that either.

I was thinking last night that all sexual intimacy outside the protective boundaries of holy matrimony is:

physically - unhealthy
intellectually - unwise
emotionally - devastating
socially - destructive
spiritually - immoral.

I don't think they would have known what I was talking about.

Linda (my wife) on Liturgy

I heard all my life how the repetitive, empty traditions (of man!) were meaningless and dead and that liturgy (and Latin liturgy could only be worse) could only mean stone cold religion with no possibilities for connecting meaningfully with God. Three years in the Church has helped me understand through truth and experience that this is a very sad misconception that pollutes the minds of so many Protestants/Evangelicals and even more sadly, so many poorly taught former Catholics. I suppose I never tried to understand the Liturgy before becoming Catholic so I'm quite certain I had the same impression of liturgy myself. In fact, the thought of being in heaven and worshiping God night and day for the rest of eternity seemed a little boring to me.

John writes about the saints in heaven... Revelation 7:15-17 "For this reason they stand before God's throne and worship him day and night in his temple. The one who sits on the throne will shelter them. They will not hunger or thirst anymore nor will the sun or any heat strike them. For the Lamb who is the center of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to springs of life-giving water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

And there lies the difference between what we lived in the Baptist church (which was good!) and what we live in the Catholic Church (which is better!) The center of worship in the Baptist church was the Word of God, that is the Bible and the truth that God was speaking through it. Certainly the thought of knowing God better through Biblical truth was the path to a deep and meaningful relationship with God, right?! Yes! The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) says..."He is present in his word since it is he himself who speaks when the holy Scriptures are read in the church." God is present in the Scriptures in a very powerful way (Jesus said "I am the Truth...") and that is why we could get to know Christ so well in the Baptist Church. But there is more!

The center of worship in the Catholic Church is Jesus HIMSELF, in the Eucharist. Jesus is present in the actual church building (yes, it is sacred!) in the form of bread and wine (of course a good reading of John 6 is always helpful in refreshing us on how biblical transubstantiation really is). His body and blood bring the salvation of the cross to us personally and physically. This is so powerful. The Salvation we receive from Jesus is present, present tense, "Now is the day of salvation" (that was in today's liturgy for Ash Wednesday!) kind of present in the Mass. The liturgy is only how Christ communicates this presence to us.

This liturgy also brings Jesus to us in another familiar way. The CCC writes, "Lastly, he is present when the Church prays and sings, for he has promised 'where two or three are gathered together in my name there am I in the midst of them'." Our prayers and songs, those of his bride, are integral to the participation, the self-offering, we make to God. It is not just me and Jesus (yes, it is the two of us but it is more), it is all the Church, with one voice, reciting the Our Father, The Nicene Creed, the Kyries (Have Mercy), the Glorias, the Alleluias. The Latin only ties linguistically, the whole church together from country to country, transcending the racial, cultural, social, showing the universality of Christ's body. We all speak the same worship and speak it as one. (By the way I have yet to attend a Latin Mass but it is something that I have been longing to do!)

I was listening to The Donut Man's testimony this week [On Journey Home] and he said of his conversion to the Catholic Church, "We had the Groom (Jesus) but we were missing the Bride!" The CCC says "...In the liturgy of the New Covenant every liturgical action, especially the celebration of the Eucharist and the Sacraments, is an encounter between Christ and the Church. The liturgical assembly derives its unity from the "communion of the Holy Spirit" who gathers the children of God into the one Body of Christ."

Another thing about the liturgy is that it is entering into the activity (worship, of course) of Heaven! It is not just about understanding words, it is about BEING PRESENT with JESUS! This is where the 'boring' departs (repeating words, true as they may be - of course, for David NOTHING could be boring about truth :*)) and the joy and fulfillment comes. We are one with Christ our Savior. Michael Card has a song, "Present Reality" in which he nearly groans out to God, "Lord, I long to see, your presence in reality. But I don't know how. Let me know you in the now!" This is the liturgy, the Mass, the Eucharist. It is for seeing, touching and being with our Lord. Now, certainly, Jesus' presence is veiled under the appearance of bread and wine but His presence is real and a beautiful taste (Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!) of our face-to-face communion that is yet to come.

"To accomplish so great a work" - the dispensation or communication of his work of salvation - "Christ is always present in his Church, especially in her liturgical celebrations." CCC.

This is what God did for his people. The ones who could not read, even if they could get a copy of the Bible, had Jesus. Before the Canon was even put together, the Church was the "pillar and foundation of the truth" (I Timothy 3:15). She preserved the Scriptures, read the Scriptures in her daily liturgy and taught the Scriptures. Yet she always offered Jesus, 'The Word' himself, as her primary gift.

Sometimes David and I have a good chuckle about how we have an "altar call" (there really is an altar - as in a place to offer a sacrifice) at every Mass and all who are in communion with the Church come forward to 'receive Jesus'. We receive Jesus himself. WOW! Our salvation is not just that moment of conversion in the past (were saved), it is now (being saved) and we always look forward to how we 'will be saved' by Jesus' life, help and love in our lives in the future. He is giving us all these things in a new and sacramental way through the Catholic Church.

B16 vs Luther

B16 mentions Luther in his latest Encyclical "Spe Salvi" while discussing Heb. 11 and the definition of faith in relation to hope. I think that I will side with the authoritative interpretation rather than one man's personal interpretation, especially since Scripture tells us "there is no prophecy of scripture that is a matter of personal interpretation" (2 Pet. 1:20). Read the section below.

7. We must return once more to the New Testament. In the eleventh chapter of the Letter to the Hebrews (v. 1) we find a kind of definition of faith which closely links this virtue with hope. Ever since the Reformation there has been a dispute among exegetes over the central word of this phrase, but today a way towards a common interpretation seems to be opening up once more. For the time being I shall leave this central word untranslated. The sentence therefore reads as follows: “Faith is the hypostasis of things hoped for; the proof of things not seen”. For the Fathers and for the theologians of the Middle Ages, it was clear that the Greek word hypostasis was to be rendered in Latin with the term substantia. The Latin translation of the text produced at the time of the early Church therefore reads: Est autem fides sperandarum substantia rerum, argumentum non apparentium—faith is the “substance” of things hoped for; the proof of things not seen. Saint Thomas Aquinas[4], using the terminology of the philosophical tradition to which he belonged, explains it as follows: faith is a habitus, that is, a stable disposition of the spirit, through which eternal life takes root in us and reason is led to consent to what it does not see. The concept of “substance” is therefore modified in the sense that through faith, in a tentative way, or as we might say “in embryo”—and thus according to the “substance”—there are already present in us the things that are hoped for: the whole, true life. And precisely because the thing itself is already present, this presence of what is to come also creates certainty: this “thing” which must come is not yet visible in the external world (it does not “appear”), but because of the fact that, as an initial and dynamic reality, we carry it within us, a certain perception of it has even now come into existence. To Luther, who was not particularly fond of the Letter to the Hebrews, the concept of “substance”, in the context of his view of faith, meant nothing. For this reason he understood the term hypostasis/substance not in the objective sense (of a reality present within us), but in the subjective sense, as an expression of an interior attitude, and so, naturally, he also had to understand the term argumentum as a disposition of the subject. In the twentieth century this interpretation became prevalent—at least in Germany—in Catholic exegesis too, so that the ecumenical translation into German of the New Testament, approved by the Bishops, reads as follows: Glaube aber ist: Feststehen in dem, was man erhofft, Überzeugtsein von dem, was man nicht sieht (faith is: standing firm in what one hopes, being convinced of what one does not see). This in itself is not incorrect, but it is not the meaning of the text, because the Greek term used (elenchos) does not have the subjective sense of “conviction” but the objective sense of “proof”. Rightly, therefore, recent Protestant exegesis has arrived at a different interpretation: “Yet there can be no question but that this classical Protestant understanding is untenable”[5]. Faith is not merely a personal reaching out towards things to come that are still totally absent: it gives us something. It gives us even now something of the reality we are waiting for, and this present reality constitutes for us a “proof” of the things that are still unseen. Faith draws the future into the present, so that it is no longer simply a “not yet”. The fact that this future exists changes the present; the present is touched by the future reality, and thus the things of the future spill over into those of the present and those of the present into those of the future.

Linda and I's "Witness Talk" for our NFP class

David:
As a young couple, Linda and I were committed to following and obeying God’s plan for sex and marriage as best we understood it. This was our starting point. We wanted to do what was right. So, we sought direction from our Pastors, married couples, and Christian books on the subject of specific issues like contraception in marriage. We desired with all our hearts to worship and honor God in our sexual union. From many books and leaders of Evangelical Christianity, we got the same message that the Bible did not speak specifically about this issue. Therefore, it was considered to be a “personal” decision to be made with our doctor’s advice.

Linda:
Through a friend I met a woman, who was willing to discuss these issues with me. She had made a tragic decision to abort an unwanted pregnancy while young. In the process of her healing and forgiveness she became strongly pro-life. Now she had even come to see contraception as part of the evil, anti-life agenda along with abortion. I had never heard anything like this before and shared it with David. It struck us as the extreme though admirable view of someone hurt by abortion, like perhaps someone hurt by alcoholism becoming adamant about never drinking alcohol. We were still working through our own reasoning.

David:
I was a Biology/Pre-Med major, so I had classes like Embryology. It became clear to me on a purely biological basis that I never wanted my wife to place any harmful substance like a hormonal contraceptive into her body. We knew that God had an awesome design and purpose in this amazing reproductive system and we would more likely mess it up than be able to accurately manipulate it. Anyway, I wanted to remain open to God blessing us with children.

Linda:
We had planned to remain completely open to life in our anticipated marital union, but Connecticut law inadvertently required us to take a renewed look at the different types of contraception. Very near our wedding date, I discovered I needed an MMR vaccination in order for us to get a marriage license in CT. The doctor recommended that I avoid pregnancy for a period of time after the shot which included the first 3 months of our marriage. We now reread and studied more intently those sections in the marriage prep books on contraception.

David:
For me, the condom just held too many negative connotations to want to consider using it unless no other alternative remained. We had already eliminated all hormonal methods due to the risk of side effects, so we determined that the “sponge” method with the addition of a spermicide was our least worst choice. Needless to say we were eager to be rid of this barrier, and we were then graciously blessed with the conception of a new, unrepeatable life during the fourth month of our marriage. Dining at the Olive Garden, we celebrated our first anniversary with our 8 day old daughter at our side.

Linda:
It wasn’t until the birth of our third child that our attitude of openness to life was challenged. We had our third daughter only 15 months after the second, which we now know was likely due to early weaning from breast feeding. We still believed children were a blessing from the LORD, but we felt a bit too quickly blessed at that time. I was terrified of another sudden pregnancy. I was exhausted with 3 little ones now, especially with contemplating home schooling the oldest. We needed a way not only to give me time to willingly accept any more children but also not risk health or not have them so close together.

Our unity was tested. I was not ready for more children at that time and David was not eager to use birth control. At that time, I was doing some volunteer work at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center. By the grace of God, I discovered a pamphlet about Natural Family Planning when looking for alternatives. It claimed to be safe, healthy, and effective. Even though David was not eager to attend the classes he was willing. We at least hoped it would give us a better understanding if not a better way to regulate births.

David:
I’m sad to admit that I didn’t attend all the classes and slept through some of what I did attend. Mostly due to Linda’s attentiveness and diligence we learned NFP. Now we knew how to observe the fertile and infertile times of a woman’s cycle by temperature, mucus, and cervical changes. It was amazing. By understanding better God’s incredible design we knew exactly when having marital relations might bring about a pregnancy or not.

The method seemed practically flawless when followed properly. However, we did not use it properly. Instead we used the information that we learned and added the use of a barrier, the condom, during fertile times. Now some people might wonder, “what’s wrong with that”?. I guess this is where the “rubber meets the road” spiritually. We were not Catholic and as far as we were concerned it was between God and us. The teachers did say that using contraception was a sin and encouraged abstaining during fertile times if a couple had serious reasons to postpone or space a pregnancy. However, we simply didn’t understand the spiritual harm this allowed in our union. Thankfully, we were open to growing and learning and rarely used contraception.

Linda:
Considering the idea that contraception could harm our marriage did remind us of that Godly woman’s advice during college. We remained open to life and open to God making us more open where we feared and lacked faith. God continued to work in our hearts and we were exposed through pro-life literature like Family Foundations about the culture of death. We learned of the pill’s potential to cause an abortion and began to oppose some forms of contraception on Biblical, moral principles. We began to read about the connection between the use of contraception and the rise of divorce, teenage pregnancy, victimization of women, proliferation of pornography and many other social problems .

David:
With fertility awareness we knew exactly when our next 2 children were conceived, neatly spaced about 2 years apart. Now, my openness to life was being tested. Was God too abundant in His blessing? Our world designs vans for only 7, so 5 children is all that fit. Could we really afford further expansion? Besides, we were now fully immersed in their education since we home schooled. Could God really want to give us more when we weren’t sure we were doing so well with what we had?

Something was different for me now when it came to marital relations. I wanted the sexual relation and the unitive intimacy but I was rejecting its procreative design in my heart. So was I really loving Linda? Was I still willing to give ALL of myself to her in the marital act, even that which may cause another pregnancy? Was I willing to accept ALL of her, even her fertility? No, I was willing to take the God-given pleasure but not accept the potential God-given results. If I was no longer willing to give of my entire self, I was trading love, which is giving, for purposefully sterile, sexual gratification, which is using (a person). It was as if I was uninviting the Holy Spirit, excluding the Author of Life and Love from our sexual union. It ceased to be worship.
The thought of quenching the Holy Spirit in the most intimate aspect of marriage horrified me. The thought of using a condom or any contraceptive now sickened me. We agreed to follow the Biblical principle in 1 Cor 7:5 where it says, “Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control.”

Linda:
Now, until God changed David’s heart toward another blessing, we would abstain during the fertile times and pray. This made me feel more cherished by my Husband, knowing that our intimacy was not just about sex. We would pray when abstaining, offering our time to God as a fast. We would ask God to make us one in Him and open our hearts to Christ, our Life, in every way no matter what the cost. We took that time to embrace spiritual unity and pray for our children and for others. We gained even greater spiritual blessings than we ever imagined.

David:
I immediately grew in self-mastery over sexual temptations and gained a better understanding of God’s design for love. We now fully accepted the principle that each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life, honoring the unitive and procreative aspects designed by God for sex and marriage.

Now, after 7 years, we had fully accepted all the principles taught by the Couple to Couple League for using Natural Family Planning. When a letter arrived soon after inviting us to consider becoming teachers we knew we could say yes. We prayed and responded to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and did say yes to become teachers of NFP. After our long journey of searching we were eager to share this knowledge and blessing with other couples.

Linda:
Using NFP has changed our marriage. It has changed the way I see our physical union. It allows me to see myself as a gift to David and that our times of intimacy are not merely for satisfying our physical desires but a way to lovingly give myself to him. Instead of focusing on how we perform physically, we think of how we can give our whole selves to one another and that includes in a very powerful way, the spiritual. In this God-created, God-ordained way we are a reflection of the unity of the Trinity. When, miraculously, the life of a child flows from our union, it is a picture of how the life of the Spirit flows out of the love between the Father and the Son. Also, When we come together, we are renewing the vows we made on our wedding day and strengthening the covenant of our marriage.

David:
Using NFP has changed every aspect of our marriage for the better. It has given us the tools to combat the lies about sex and marriage we constantly hear in our culture today. We know how to communicate better with each other about our sexuality. Learning the Theology of the Body helps us to explain to our children and others what it means to be masculine and feminine. I am able to take part in NFP by interpreting charts, recording information, and leading in prayer. It helps me to fulfill my role as husband and be a more responsible man toward my wife and children.

Most important to me is the fact that by using NFP we know we are following and obeying God’s plan for sex and marriage. This is how we started our story and how we will continue by God’s grace. Thankfully, God promises to give us the grace if we only ask.